Find (A Professional) Someone To Talk To

I always seem to be traveling and on vacation when I'm meant to post.  I came back home on Wednesday night and promptly remembered on Thursday morning that I was a few days late in posting.  So I figured, what would a few extra days do?  Not too much harm.

This is my thought for the day:  Everyone should see someone at some point.  And by someone, I mean a psychologist (I spelled that correctly all on my own!).  I'm not sure why there was (or is?) a negative attitude towards seeing someone.  It has helped my life tremendously.  I initially started seeing a psychologist when I was in college.  When I moved to be closer to my boyfriend at the time (whom I later married) and then moved across the country for residency, I stopped.  After a year of residency life my husband suggested I start seeing someone again, an idea that I should have considered myself much earlier.

These are my reasonings.

• Everyone has issues.  Everyone has quirks.  Everyone's baselines are not the average baseline.  I knew what some of my quirks were, but I couldn't quite name them all and so they were sometimes hard to live with because they were uncategorized.  Just knowing what my tendencies were helped me to either accept them or to work on improving them.  (Don't forget that some quirks are not things that need to be fixed, but acknowledged and cared for).
• When you get married, you have someone else's quirks to live with.  In my case, my husband is a very different person than I am.  We process things and hold on to things differently.  He doesn't always understand or know how to help.  Talking to someone else (a professional, not just a girl friend) has helped me when my husband isn't sure what to do (though he tries everything he can think of and is so amazing and understanding when he can be and accepting when he can't comprehend my needs.  I love my husband).  
• Speaking of girl friend.  Sometimes the mother/sister/friend you talk to about most issues is actually part of the anxiety in your life and they are exactly the wrong people to talk to.  (I mention anxiety because that's what I struggle with.  Insert your own unique struggle instead).  
• When you are thrown into a new world (of medical school or residency or any medical life), life is hard.  I love that my psychologist is part of the faculty of the residency program my husband is in.  He knows very clearly the kind of life my husband leads and what kind of extra stress and anxiety that can pile on to me.
• It's customizable! To an extent.  Meaning, you can go once or twice to figure out a few things and then work on those, not needing to return for more guidance or help.  You can go weekly, which is where I am at the moment.  Eventually I'm assuming I'll be able to understand myself and prepare myself enough on my own that weekly visits wont be necessary.  Your psychologist may only feel like you need to come in monthly, or whenever you feel you need to figure something out.  You can go alone or with your spouse.
• I don't feel uncomfortable.  I can talk about anything.  If you don't feel comfortable, is it because it's personal things that you're not used to sharing with anyone else?  Or is it because the person in the chair across from you makes you uncomfortable?  If it's the second, look for someone else!  I think of psychologists like teachers.  They have different personalities and approaches to the same problems and yet unlike teachers, if you're not feeling the connection and don't feel like it's the right fit, you can switch.  Transfer out.  If you can't be completely honest with them it's going to be a lot harder for them to help you.
• It's easy to lose perspective.  I doubted myself a lot when I got married and we moved into the residency program.  I was the youngest spouse by a few years and one of the few without children.  Many other spouses/significant others had been together long enough to know a lot about medicine and what their resident was going through (many are actually also involved in the medical field somehow).  I also grew up in a large city and am now living in a small town close by where most residents and their spouses grew up or have family.  I didn't know where I fit in and how to be confident in who I was and what I did and didn't know or like.  I have so much more confidence and perspective now.

I think it's so helpful to be able to talk to someone about everything you're struggling with and for me, it has helped me to strengthen myself so that I don't struggle as much.  That is a great thing, I think, especially for a resident's spouse, and I'm also pretty sure that's the point of seeing a psychologist anyway.  To help you accept who you are and strengthen yourself to be able to live a happy, beautiful, productive life no matter what crazy, horrible, unexpected, unfortunate things are thrown your way.  So think about it.  I highly recommend it.  For anyone.  Everyone, really.  

My favorite thing that I've been learning is to know and trust in myself.  (It was hard when I realized I didn't trust myself.  Slightly terrifying, actually.  It's a new work in progress).  My wants, my dislikes, my capabilities, my knowledge, my self worth, my intellect, my strength, my fears, my dreams, and knowing how to act on those and not on anything that anyone else is saying.  Being true to myself and making sure that I am happy and I am nourished in the ways I need to be (getting in all my creative things, taking time for myself, saying no when people ask things of me) makes me so much more able to take on the hard things that I have no control over (hint back to a month of night float).  

Trust in yourself.  Nourish yourself.  Make sure your decisions are in your best emotional/physical/spiritual/intellectual interest.  That will make life better for everyone around you.

It makes life a lot better for my husband.

And I love my husband.

-Rachel C.