You're Kind of a Big Deal

Photo Credit: Patrick Denker

If I could give one bit of advice to the spouse of a medical student or doctor in training, it would be to not sell yourself short.  Your role in this endeavor is paramount.  There will be days when you will be so astounded by all that your significant other is capable of.  You will wonder at their ability to juggle it all and feel fortunate that they chose you.  But, please, never forget how lucky they are to have YOU.

I’m not going to call myself an expert on such matters, but I’ve portrayed this student-wife character for a few years now.  More than that, I’ve been surrounded by others in the same stage of life.  I’ve been tossed so much unsolicited advice that I was afraid I would literally slap the next person who told me, “Just wait until…”  I’ve also been given a lot of encouragement, for which I am grateful because let’s face it, medical school is tough on everyone involved.  

And that’s why I’m going to reiterate the importance of you.

You are married to the luckiest man/woman in the world.  Take a minute and bask in the glory.  You deserve it.  Now, to prove my point let’s consider the facts.  Whether you have children or not, stay at home or work, you are the foundation of your family.  You are solid.  You are supportive.  You are a rock star.  You tend to the house, take care of the bills, prepare meals, do the shopping, take care of the kids, maintain the vehicles, etc.  The list goes on and on.  Seriously, you do a lot.  And you might be thinking that it’s no big deal.  There are many others who do what you do and so much more.  But to your spouse, it’s more than a big deal.  Just think: If they didn’t have you they would probably be living off of Kraft singles and frozen burritos.  

I firmly believe that we are all capable of great things if only we believe in ourselves.  It’s hard, though, isn’t it?  When I was a child, I used to fill journal after journal with short stories and sketches.  My grandmother flipped through one of these journals, a soft blue leather bound notebook with a picture of a giraffe on the cover, and inquired gently if I enjoyed to write.  I was all sorts of twisted up, nervous that the contents would be judged as poorly done, but I nodded and tried not to blush.  I’m not entirely sure what my grandmother thought of my adolescent masterpieces, but she smiled, applauded my work, and gave me a sound bit of advice.  “Believe in yourself and you’ll do just fine.”  I’m telling you this because I imagine it would be supremely difficult to be a medical student, but here they are, working harder than ever. Encourage your spouse.  Compliment them often.  Put your faith in them. Brag a little when they deserve it.  They’re going to doubt themselves from time to time.  Help them believe that they will do great on the next exam, or clinical rotation.  Champion them in your eyes and they will follow.  Russell M. Nelson stated in his April 2006 General Conference talk Nurturing Marriage, “As grateful partners look for the good in each other and sincerely pay compliments to one another, wives and husbands will strive to become the persons described in those compliments." Your husband/wife is going to do great things because YOU believe that they can.  Boom!  Domino effect. Imagine if you weren’t there to get it started.

We will all probably look back on these years in amazement at how fast they went by.  But I hope that in the end of it all, we come out understanding that we are more than just “Dr. So-and-so’s wife/husband”.  I mean, really.  We’re a team.  I might not know the first thing about suturing a cut or diagnosing an ear infection but I make a mean cinnamon roll, one that has lifted my husband’s spirits on more than one occasion.  I’ve been told that his degree is as much mine as it is his.  Maybe not quite, but I think I’ll still roll with it.  You should, too.  

-M. Quinn