The Road to Medical School

Since med school application and interview season is upon us, we thought we'd share the few things we learned along that part of our journeys.

My husband and I were married for two years before he started medical school, so I was around for the entire application process.  There are a couple of things that every prospective applicant should know.  After chatting with my husband we thought we'd toss these points out:

1. Grades and MCAT scores are absolutely the most important aspect of your application.  As fun as it might be to believe that your background, extra-curricular activites, personality, yada-yada-yada are going to get you or your spouse into medical school, you might want to pray for a healthy dose of reality.  If you’ve bombed your MCAT and/or really let the ball drop on your college courses, especially the science classes, then chances are you might need to rethink your career choice or retake a couple of things.  It sounds harsh and I’m sorry, but it’s just kind of the way it is.  Medical schools need ways to weed out applicants and minimum GPAs and MCAT scores are the best way to accomplish this.  Every school has a minimum MCAT requirement.  By default, if you don’t reach that score you’re out of luck.  Seriously.  We’ve seen it happen.  I’m not going to say that a great MCAT score is going to make you a great doctor, and a lower one will make you any less of a physician, but if you don’t get into school you won’t be any kind of medical doctor at all.  So, know what an acceptable score is and study, study, study!  Take practice exams, purchase study guides, find a tutor if you need it.  Do what it takes to make it happen.  You can do it!  Tips for spouses: I get wanting to spend as much time as possible with your spouse, but try to be okay with them studying a lot.  The best thing you can do is be supportive, even when it’s hard.  Encourage them often.  Act interested when they ramble off information and jargon that means nothing to you.  If nothing else, it will be good practice for the years to come.
2. Consider applying as soon as you can.  My husband recommends this for nothing else than your own peace of mind.  We knew of interviews and acceptances early on, so it really took some of the stress out of the equation.  Once he got that first acceptance letter, he was a little bit more calm about the whole thing.  Sure, there was still a school he really wanted to get into but finding out that he had an in somewhere was reassuring on so many levels.  Tips for spouses: Be prepared to do a lot of proofreading.  Part of the application is a personal statement, and this is kind of a big deal.  It gives the admissions board the chance to see who the applicant really is, so help your spouse make this part as perfect as possible.  Try to have an eye for detail when going over the other parts of the application.  Trust me.  It will help your spouse so much if they don’t have to worry about tackling this on their own.  
3. Be financially prepared.  From the cost of taking the MCAT and submitting applications to paying to travel to interviews, the price tag associated with getting into medical isn’t exactly easy on the pocketbook.  For a couple of college kids it might be tough to manage, so my best advice is to budget a little bit better and try to look ahead.  There isn’t really a sure way of knowing how many interviews the applicant will have or how many they will need to go to.  My husband traveled to a handful of states, and even went back to one school for a secondary interview (which was weird), and after travel and hotel accommodations, I was grateful that we both had jobs and scholarships.  It can be expensive but there isn’t really a way around it.  This is all just part of playing the medical school game.  Apparently it costs a lot of money to become a doctor.  
4. Don’t take yourself too seriously.  My husband might very well be the most humble man I’ve ever known.  He’s not one to talk about the things he has accomplished or brag about how well he has done in school.  From his point of view, he’s just blessed.  He works hard but understands what an opportunity it is for him to even be where is today.  He doesn’t take it for granted.  He knows he’s fortunate, and part of that is because he doesn’t take himself too seriously.  He never has.  Having this mindset will come in handy for years down the road.
   
   
   And remember, there is reason to find joy even in the most challenging of times. Keep perspective and enjoy the journey.

   
   M. Quinn

   
   

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   Just like M. Quinn, my husband and I were married a couple of years prior to starting med school. I was very overwhelmed by my husband's dreams of becoming a doctor, and about the process of getting there. He completely took charge though, spending lots of his time and energy on researching schools/locations, talking to advisors, shadowing doctors, writing different versions of his personal statement, and strengthening his resume. But I know for some of you this goal is something you're working on right along with your spouses. Here are some things to add to the above list:

   
   

   1. Categorize.

   When your spouse is preparing to send applications, make a list of all the schools and rank them by "top", "middle", and "lowest" choices. When those secondaries start coming in, you can better keep track of which ones you're still really serious about. If you've already returned a good number of secondaries from the schools in the top two sections, or even received some interview invitations, then you could start letting go of your very lowest choices. Save yourself the $75 if you know that school is at the bottom of your list and you are farther along in the process with your higher choices. p.s. Don't apply to schools you know would not work for you and your family. It the school/program/education looks iffy or it's in a location you know you would absolute hate, don't apply! There are lots of other choices.

   
   

   
   

   2. Getting in somewhere is what matters.

   I know, I know, some of your husbands would be offended to hear this. They probably have high hopes of getting into that big-name school - the one with the great reputation that would open any door he wants. That's really great if he has the ability to get into "that" one! But for us it was not realistic. My husband did pretty well on his MCAT score and his grades were good (although not the best), so like I said, we were being realistic. But if your husband gets in anywhere, that is HUGE!! Celebrate! Even if it's a school that was lower down on your list, and not the one you were hoping for, your husband is still going to become a doctor. He is still going to get those letters at the end of his name. ;) 

   And remember that the Lord is ultimately in control of this journey and He will put you where He needs you.

   
   

   3. Realize NOW the time commitment this will mean.

   I suggest that you start NOW to prepare yourselves. Your spouse will not be home for any meals with you once school starts. Saturdays won't be "family days" or "get-stuff-done-together" days anymore, and you will have to choose pretty quickly how you want your sundays to go as well. Studying or no studying on the sabbath? If he does come home for dinner on the weekdays, then it will be quick and he will be right back to studying for hours afterwards. Prepare yourself emotionally for this. Your attitude will affect your husband so much more than you may realize. He will have to hit the ground running when school starts, and he will be overwhelmed. So do what you can to gear up for this yourself, as his main cheerleader.

   
   

   Good luck!

   
   

   -F. Nightingale

   
   
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   My husband and I started dating two months before he took the MCAT and married just before he started medical school, so my experience was a little different than the two before me. Here's what I learned in that process.
   
   
   
   1. While you are a team, this time is really about him and his needs. 
   This is particularly true if there aren't children involved and you're not needing to consider things such as schools and extra-curricular activities offered. The most important factor in deciding where to go is his education. If he doesn't feel a school fits him well but it's in your dream living location, be prepared to sacrifice that dream for his benefit. Medical school is hard enough as it is, he needs to be somewhere he loves. This doesn't mean you have to sacrifice absolutely everything, you are a team and your needs should be taken into consideration too, just be prepared to make some big sacrifices if it will make school better or easier. 
   
   
   2. Spend as much time together as possible. 
   I was not prepared for the amount of time I would be spending alone while my man was studying more than humanly possible. He did study a little more than some of his classmates so I saw him less than some of my friends saw their husbands, but still, you aren't going to have the same life or time you probably do now. Take advantage of this time while you can. 
   
   
   3. Be prepared to be married to a different man. 
   This isn't something I realized until just recently, probably since our entire married life was med school, but the strenuous work and crazy hours takes a real toll on him. My husband carried around this extra stress all the time, even on breaks, and it changed him. He was still amazing and more than I had ever dreamed of, but he was different. It wasn't until after a recent week long "guys trip" where he was completely unplugged from the world when I have and heard my Pre-med man again. It took me off guard as I was completely shocked by the significant change.
   
   I was recently talking to another medical wife friend and before I said anything about my recent experience she asked me if this process had changed my husband as it had hers. This is a universal thing. It has to be. With all that our spouses go through they couldn't possibly stay the same person. In many ways this change is a great thing. My husband has become even more kind and service oriented which I didn't think was possible. And in other ways they changes are a little more difficult to deal with. With that, you will change too. It's just the nature of time and experience. Never stop learning about each other. Get to know the new person who comes home to your family and let them get to know you. Pretending that everything is the same will only add an unnecessary tension and misunderstandings.
   
   
   4. Once you know where you will be going for school start making connections and learning about your new location. 
   This is something I wish I had done better. When we arrived at school I didn't know anything about where we were living and so I didn't know what to do with myself in my spare time. We had moved to a big city and I hadn't prepared myself for that change, I was terrified to leave my house. Know what there is to do and what places are safe before you go so that you aren't spending the first month there cooped up. 
   
   
   I am one of those people who have to make a conscious effort to put myself out there and make friends. I didn't do this when we started school and it made things a thousands times harder. If possible "meet" people who will be going to school with you on-line before you get there so that you already have some connections. If that isn't an option, be sure to put yourself out there early and find a group of people who understand what you're about to go through and can support you through it. It is absolutely paramount to making it through medical school not only alive, but happy. 
   
   
   This is not easy, but that doesn't mean it has to be horrible. You and your family will find things that work for you. Remember the reasons you are there and you should be okay. You can do this!
   
   
   - Clara B.