I Think My Husband's a Secret Agent

My husband has very odd hours and can never guarantee what time he'll be home.  He talks in code with other 'residents', using abbreviations and names that are clearly conveying secret messages as they have no meaning to me.  He works with these other 'resident's' and they have 'lectures' regularly to brief them all on their cover stories.  He does have medical books that he has to study in order to know the lingo, but there's a secret book somewhere that decodes all those text books full of top secret information.  He comes home and continues to do paperwork which I can't look at (he says it's for confidentiality, but I know I'm just not cleared for that security level).  Some days he comes home physically exhausted, so he must have been battling for good.  He gets calls in the middle of the night that steal him away from me for emergency evil prevention.  When I go visit him, there's a chunk of time, from 2 minutes (meaning he was just down on Secret Level 2 practicing his ninja star throwing) to over an hour (meaning he had to scramble a jet to get him back from an out of town job, or he had to finish off a bad guy before getting to me).  I don't know if I have enough evidence to convince a jury, but I feel pretty sure that my husband is a secret agent.

It's odd not knowing what your husband really does all day.  Everything he tells me about induces clips from Scrubs or House to run through my brain, trying to piece it all together (editing out the over drama of House and ridiculousness of Scrubs).  He talks about procedures and dosages and it mostly flies over my head (though I'm really trying to learn and understand and sometimes I amaze myself with what I remember or already know).  His job is not a 'Take Your Child to Work Day' job.  Or even a "Take Your Spouse to Work Day" job.  It's a - "I do my job and I'll see you at home" job.

I'm a teacher.  I teach privately and I've taught in schools.  There's no hiding in that.  Administration, teachers, students, parents, future students/parents, they all can barge in with no notice and sit and watch you do your thing.  Privately lessons are anything but private for me.  They're in people's homes (mine or my students) with their parents and siblings continuing on their normal lives around us.  They see me teach.  I've never seen my husband doctor anyone.  Except me, and it's typically helping me get a splinter out (though I've decided I prefer doing that on my own).  I can't go visit him and sit in on a patient's visit.  I can't go round with him.  I can't watch him suture someone up in the surgery.  I am blocked from what he does for a living. 

I realize, however, that we do really well, considering I can't relate to what he does all day.  He is open when he can be open and we get some sad and some awesome stories out of it.  He tells me what he needs from me to get through hard things and I do what I can to fill that need.  I do my best to do the things I know he loves (like having food planned and in the makings (if not ready to eat) by the time he comes home, even if it's just leftovers.  I try to be a good wife, like I would be no matter what his profession was.  That covers most of what he needs.  Though my husband is amazing and what he says he needs is mostly my love and for me to be happy.  I've never been angry that I can't know (though I do wonder if I could get a wish from a genie and be a lady bug on his shoulder for a day).  And not having any hostility towards him or his job has made it ok.  So we're ok!  And I'll learn more every day and eventually I'll understand that code he uses and know all the abbreviations and anatomy.  

I know some spouses out there know a lot about the workings of a doctor.  Many are nurses or PA's or other positions that I don't know the name of or don't know exist.  Maybe it's a help to be more informed.  Maybe it's a hinderance to be so familiar with the routines and duties of your spouse.  For me and my husband, we've found it's ok to not know.  The important thing is that we talk, we are honest in our knowledge and feelings and needs and we trust each other in everything we do.  When there is trust and honesty we don't need to fully understand.

I love my husband....

....the secret agent.

-Rachel C.