The Most Important Work

Residency. Is. Hard.

I'm just putting it out there very first because it's the honest truth. It's best just to accept it, try not to dwell on it, but rather "gird up your loins", so to speak! Medical school was tough as well... but I have been tried more and come to lower points during residency than I ever did while my husband was in school. I know this sounds dreary, but stick with me here...

When I heard from other wives ahead of us in this journey, they would try to warn me about the 80+ hour work weeks and life as a single-mom. They would try to warn me about the financial situation and the reality of living on LESS than we did while we had student loans paying our bills. They would say "If you need to buy anything (such as new clothes, new TV, go on vacation, etc), get it out of your system during med school because you won't be able to do that in residency." Well, guess what? They were right! 

My husband earns just enough money a year that we can't apply for government assistance programs... and yet we barely have enough to squeak by each month. Savings? What's that?! Thankfully, we have no credit card debt, only one car payment, have a pretty low rent, and we try to be very careful with our money. We are budgeted down to the very last diaper and banana. Surprisingly, a few things that I can rarely ever afford to work into my grocery cart are tissue boxes, any cut of beef, and more than the single bottle of apple juice a week for my kids. It's an interesting balance each week, and boy do I miss having tissues in my home. TP just is not the same when you have allergies! Am I right? I will write another day about the cash envelope system we use in our home and how incredibly helpful it has been! But for today I wanted to share with you the three things that have helped me to not only survive residency but to find happiness amidst the trials. 

President Harold B. Lee said :

"Happiness does not depend on what happens OUTSIDE of you, but on what happens INSIDE. It is measured by the spirit with which you meet the problems of life." 

#1: Morning and evening prayer. 

-If I am able to center myself before I have to go upstairs to get my two crazies out of bed and start my long, 12+ hour day as a single parent, then I find myself in a much better place to do so. Reporting my day, concerns and struggles to a loving and all-knowing Father in Heaven is one way I am reminded that I'm not alone in this. In return, He blesses me with a calm spirit and more compassion towards my sweet little ones during the trying moments.

#2: Priesthood Blessings.

-A few months ago I hit the lowest point so far in this journey. I was resentful, unhappy, exhausted, frustrated with my husband and my kids, frustrated with myself for being so frustrated, and feeling dangerously close to giving up. I asked my husband for a blessing (which is also something you can ask of a Home Teacher, Bishopric member, or friend/family member who holds the Melchizedek Priesthood). I was hesitant to receive one at his hands because ... well, I was in a bad place, to be honest. I was upset with him for making this life OUR life. But as he spoke the words that I know came from Heaven, I was humbled, strengthened, and ultimately saved from the dark place I was in. Boy, did I need it. I have since then used that experience to keep me grounded to what's important: my husband, my children, and most of all my spiritual well-being. If I am struggling, then my whole family struggles. Priesthood blessings can be given and received ANYTIME you feel you need it. Use that divine tool!! That's what it's there for. 

#3: Remember who you are!

-Ours is a divine and sacred calling. We are mothers to spirit children who were saved for this latter-day! We are the sole caretakers, teachers and examples to these precious spirits. The adversary wants us to feel down, resentful, unhappy with our lot in life, and for our homes to fall apart. We are in partnership not only with our husbands in our parenting roles, but also with our Father in Heaven. He wants us to turn to Him if we are struggling with this divine calling. He can strengthen us when we feel we're at the end of our rope ... and he can also help us to find the JOY again if we have misplaced it.

So, to all you "single" mothers who know the ups and downs of this beast we call residency (and medical school), hang in there. Look inward and see if there is an imbalance in your spiritual well-being. Spend some quality time on your knees, ask for a blessing from those who have proper authority, and focus on the importance of your own important work. I promise that you will come out stronger, happier, and more able to support your husbands as they continue in their work.

-F. Nightingale