It's Not All Bad

Let's face it, every job comes with its perks. Teachers get summers off with their kids, athletes are paid millions to play a game that they love, and the President of the United States lives in a mansion and is flown around on a private plane with more rooms than my house. While the medical word comes with a lot of challenges (not saying other professions don't), it also comes with a few bonuses. Here are a few that I have experienced so far: 

• Getting in to see a doctor is easy. Unless you are needing a specialist that is outside your/your spouses field (and even then sometimes), you really don't have to wait weeks or months to get in with a doc. If I have a concern all it takes is a call to the clinic and I'm given an appointment immediately. Technically I could just show up and they would make sure I was seen, but that goes beyond what I'm comfortable with. 

• When you do go in to see a doctor you don't have to wait. Granted, this hasn't always been the case. Even at the clinic Dr. Barton is practicing in I have waited an hour+ two different times. HOWEVER, most of the time, even when it is crazy packed in the lobby, it takes me 30 minutes or less from the time I walk in the doors to the time I'm walking out. It would be super easy for the doctors to have the mentality of "oh, it's Dr. B's wife? She'll understand if I'm running behind and can't get to her right away," and honestly they wouldn't be wrong. It's a lot harder to be annoyed at the time it takes when you know just how hard they are working. But they generally don't do that, and it's really nice. 

• Sometimes you don't even have to "see" a doctor. A few weeks ago Princess came down with a bad case of strep. I took her in to the clinic and we were taken care of immediately. A few days later Monkey caught the strep, but it was a Saturday and the clinic was closed. Obviously Dr. B was able to examin her, but he can't legally write her a prescription, so we called one of the other residents who called one in for us. We've also had residents make house calls for us when I needed one of the girls to be checked out, the clinic wasn't an option (or just super inconvenient at that time), and Dr. Barton was unavailable to help me out. Seriously, this has been such a blessing at the hardest and most needed times. 

• People respect you more even though you aren't the one with the medical degree. Is it kind of ridiculous that people listen to and agree with what I say more now that I am a doctors wife? Yeah, it kind of is. I mean, it's nice that I feel more heard than ever before, but it's not like I didn't have many of these same thoughts and feelings before. Regardless, I can't deny that it is also kind of nice to hold that extra respect. I just hope that I am truly earning it and can live up to the expectations. 

• You are treated to super nice meals on occasion. Dr. Barton is currently attending a conference for the State Medical Board. Basically a bunch of doctor delegates in varying specialties from around the state convene with legislatures to create and change medical law and practice throughout the state. To be honest it's a little over my head, but it's pretty awesome that Dr. Barton was chosen to be the representative for our residency. Anywho.... we were able to come with him as a family and not only is our travel paid for, but various activities while he is in meetings, amazing dinners every night (including a super fancy and expensive presidential dinner that allows me to get all dressed up), a generous allowance for our other meals, and free t-shirts for the whole family to boot. Tonight my dinner plate was three times what I would normally be okay paying for a meal out AND I ordered dessert, all paid for by the Medical Association (and this was the Family Night dinner, the least fancy of the three nights). 

• Sometimes you also to have fun experiences paid for. At this conference we were also invited to attend the local Discovery Museum as a family. Again, this was completely paid for by the Medical Association. For our little family of four this activity normally would have cost us $50, meaning normally we wouldn't go. However, it turned out to be something that our kids absolutely loved even though it's geared towards older children (think 5-12, not 2 and 3). They were so sad that it was time to go after almost two hours of being there. 

At this point in our medical training there are undeniably more hardships than benefits, but that certainly doesn't mean that they aren't there. So for now I am going to enjoy these advantages guilt-free. And maybe even order a second dessert. 

- Clara B. 

Awkward Situation

I feel like this is a story where there is a lesson to be learned, but I haven't quite figured it out yet.  We were in a baby class.  It happened to be the midwives class, but it's not really relevant.  (I actually really enjoyed our first class other than this one thing, but you'll see, it wasn't the class that bugged me).  We were all asked to state our fears about labor and delivery, and support people were asked to state theirs as well.  There were the normal things about pain, endurance, fear of unknown emergencies.  Then there was one husband whose fear was the competence of the staff at the hospital.  He was nervous that he couldn't trust the physicians and nurses to be the best and do the best for his wife and child.  He continued by saying he had heard bad things about the hospital, about people going in for routine surgeries and not making it.  That then provoked 3 other class members to agree and share that they had heard the same thing about the hospital and its workers.  It was then agreed on, however, that the exception to this was the labor and delivery floor, the recovery area, the pediatric staff and the NICU staff.  Those nurses and doctors were very kind and helpful.  Now that I think about it, I don't remember any mention of them being competent, but it's possible they mentioned it.

No one knew my husband was a resident.  We both know want to keep that fact under wraps.  I have 2 reasons.  One, it made me extremely uncomfortable hearing the colleagues of my husband (and my husband as well) doubted and bashed just a little bit.  I had never heard any of this before and I feel like if our hospital wasn't good, 1) my husband wouldn't have wanted to come here and 2) it would have been a topic of conversation with both the residents and their significant others (since the residents are here trying to learn and if they feel like either other residents or attendings aren't doing things properly, it's going to be brought up).  But I am not one to confront people in almost any situation (especially when I haven't prepared myself for it), so I was not ready to challenge 4 people whose opinions were probably fairly rooted and unlikely to change (especially from a residents wife - I'm biased in their eyes).  Two, it may make other people uncomfortable once they find out the opinions they hold are negative towards my husband.  I don't want to make the whole class awkward because I want to continue learning how to best prepare myself for labor and delivery and that is unrelated to what the classes opinions are.

We will not be going on the tour of the labor and delivery floor at the next class.  We don't want to be recognized and labeled as what we are (does that sound horrible?) and I already had the tour with the hospital's class, so I don't think I'll be missing anything.  (Plus my husband has been on OB this last month anyway, so I've been up there visiting him and talking to all the nurses and getting the lay of the land.  I'm feeling pretty confident and comfortable).

Lessons to be learned?

 - When speaking to a group of people that you don't know, at least consider the possibility that what you are about to say could be insulting to them.

 - Take all horror stories (or fabulous stories at that) that you hear from friends or friends of friends with a grain of salt.  I've heard the same experience told by the patient and the doctor and they were very different stories, so whether from ignorance, shame, pride, or other reasons, stories can be altered.

I'm still not sure if we should have said something or not.  I'm scared it's going to be a little harder for me to be completely open in the class and I'm going to be constantly censuring my thoughts and comments.  For me, realizing that not everyone is going to appreciate my husband the way I do and knowing that yes, mistakes are made sometimes because everyone working at the hospital is human, is helpful.  I also have confidence, though, that the hospital does not keep inept employees.  And that's what I think about when I start getting irritated at people's unfounded comments.  

I'm not sure if this post is helpful in any way.  It was more an interesting situation that I was placed in.  And it's quite possible that you may come into a situation like this (whether your spouse or significant other is a doctor/resident/med student or not).  If you know of a better way to approach it, let me know.  For now, I'll keep my thoughts to myself and just focus on the class.

-Rachel C. 

Everybody Needs a Little Time Away (from residency)

As usual, the 4th Monday has come at a crazy time, so I am my usual few days late in posting.  We are in the middle of one of our rare, has been planned out for the last year since we put in our vacation requests, finally a chance to get out of town together and not going to a family gathering, vacation.  And it was very much needed.

 I'd just turned in my take home final for my math class (and decided I didn't want to take any classes this upcoming semester because this last semester I really did not love putting all my time and energy towards math when instead I really just wanted to stare at and hold my belly.  And I assume that I'll be even more attracted to holding and caring for my child once it's actually born, so a math degree is officially on hold.   And I'm very much ok with that).

 My husband had just come off of what seemed like 3 months of crazy hard rotations.  Lots of nights and weird hours, making any conversation or time together either very minimal or filled with charts and checking up on patients.

 With a baby on the way, it seemed a good opportunity to have some time with just the two of us (though some hiking and activities go a little slower because of my 'condition') before most of our attention gets diverted to the beautiful, adorable child that we'll be blessed with.

So we came to Grenada!  That's where my husband did a year of medical school and he couldn't stop talking about it (and after hearing about it, I really wanted to go).  So we scraped together as many vacations days as possible and have an amazing 9 full days and 10 nights in a warm, humid (which I'm really enjoying), beach filled island.  The food is delicious and as a bonus, we got to have our layovers in my hometown, so I got/get to see my parents and get emotional about not living there anymore.

I know things will change once children enter our lives, but I can't recommend enough that you take whatever time you can to be as calm and relaxed and enjoy yourself before something crazy happens ( like your last year of residency and your lack of any definite ideas of where you plan on going in a year and you're about to have your 1st child).  Good luck.  If luck had anything to do with it.

-Rachel C.

When the Husband's Away the Children Will Try to Kill You

**WARNING this has been a rough week and this post is filled with anger, bitterness, and frustration**

Dr. Barton is on his second rotation of pediatrics. Since our location doesn't see enough Peds cases in the hospital, all first year residents spend two months out of the medical year working in a bigger city 3.5 hours away. This kind of really sucks when you have kids because you can't really go with them. To top it off it's one of those rotations where they only have four days off the entire month and they work super long days. This doesn't leave much time for visiting or coming home, especially since instead of two weekends off Dr. Barton was given one day each week. That's not very condusive for a seven hour round trip to see the family. It also makes it *almost* not worth the drive alone with two toddlers and being five months pregnant. (We're expecting baby #3 in September!) 

Anyway... basically life is hard right now and I'm not taking it well. I'm going to partially blame the baby hormones (because I can), but it is a fact that my normally sweet children drastically change their behavior when they don't see Dr. Dad very often. This last week they have really been trying my patience. And well, I just haven't passed the test very well. Here are just a few of the trials they have put me through in the last couple of days

Yes, those are bathtub letters that Monkey threw in the toilet (that had just been used) and yes, Princess did try to help by flushing the potty repeatedly causing it to majorly back up. This happened while I was unloading our car from a weekend trip to see my family. 

Yes, that is half the contents of my silver wear drawer and a broken cup on the floor when both girls decided it was a genius idea to climb on the counter while mom quickly used the restroom. 

Yes, that is practically every toy we own dumped onto the floor not even an hour after I had just organized and cleaned the playroom. 

And I didn't even take pictures of the flowers that were pulled off of their stems just two days after I planted them or the bright blue sharpie that was used to color a mural on my wall. Then of course there is the bedtime problems we've been having since Dr. Dad left for this rotation. You know, the one where three hours after we've gone through the bedtime routine of reading books, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, singing songs, giving multiple rounds of hugs and kisses, both children are still awake and coming out of their bedroom. 

Basically these past two weeks have been super ridiculously hard. I don't feel like a loving mother because I'm struggling with my patience. I don't feel like a supportive wife because I'm angry that Dr. Barton can't be around to help at all. I don't feel like a good person because I'm frustrated and so focused on getting through my day that I can't really manage to think of anyone else around me. This month is hard and I am barely surviving. 

- Clara B.

On the Road to a Parenting Life

Expecting your first child comes with some fun moments.  Especially when you're husband is a resident.

• Picking an OB: when you're husband has worked with most of them and you'll see them at resident Christmas parties (which mine hosts).  
• Hiding pregnancy symptoms: When you're surrounded by doctors (and mother's who've been through it before).  Luckily, I had close to zero symptoms at the beginning, my belly didn't pop out until 5 months along (which is when we started telling people), my OB is at the hospital, not the clinic, so there weren't any residents to bump into accidentally in the one staircase and hallway, and we were ok lying to people's faces if anyone cared to ask if we were expecting (because we didn't care to tell them yet).
• Picking a regular doctor when your heart starts acting funny at the clinic where all the residents work.  Who are all either husbands of your friends, or your friends.  So I chose a female friend.  Because it would just be weird to have your friend's husband seeing you uncovered in any way.  Otherwise I have no problems with male doctors.
• Talking labor and birth with a bunch of female residents and mothers who explain things in such a clinical way.  Which is a little refreshing after all the wives tales reasonings behind funny pregnancy symptoms.
• Telling the Labor and Delivery nurses that I'd like to try going natural, no epidural.  Some interesting faces were passed around the group.  But they were still nice to me.  We'll see how that plays out in 3 months.
• In general, having men around that know so much about pregnancy.  More than the average father.  It's a little topsy turvy and funny.
• Sometimes when I ask my husband about some symptom I'm feeling and he says 'I don't know, ask your OB'.  What's the benefit of marrying a doctor, then? Besides the fact that I love him and he's super cute.  And he typically does know (or at least has a good idea), he just likes to feign ignorance to get a reaction out of me.  And it works, pretty much every time.  Adorable. 
• Realizing my husband is more prepared for labor than I am.  He's seen it, delivered children, coached women through delivery.  I've only heard him talk about it.

So we're excited to have an addition to our family.  And I really love having a medical man in the house to help me understand what my body is going through and what it has yet to go through.  But I know neither of us is really aware of what's about to happen in 3 months.  And we're stoked to find out!

I love my husband.  

And our little baby.  

Even though it's recently found my ribs.

-Rachel C. 

Life Unplugged

As I mentioned in my previous post, Dr. Barton and I were able to go on a week-long get-a-way recently. It was a week sans children, medical talk, house work, and for over half of it sans cell phone service (meaning no calls in or out, no texting, and no data for Facebook, Instagram, or even google maps). Let me tell you, it was glorious! We were truly able to be just "us" without any other distractions or even temptations of distraction. 

In a world where we have become all to dependent on our technology it was refreshing to be completely unplugged. It made me realize just how much I don't need all that extra stuff no matter what excuses I make up to convince myself otherwise. I don't need Facebook to stay connected to the outside world, I need to get outside. I don't need Instagram to see what friends are up to, I need to make the time to actually visit them and talk to them. I'm not saying that any of these things are bad or that they should never be used for those purposes, just that I shouldn't rely on then for my main source of interaction and entertainment like I was. 

I have found a new resolve to unplug more often. This week really showed me how much of the world I was missing by looking for it in a screen. Try it yourself. Put your phone away in a bedroom drawer for an entire day. Don't even turn on your TV or computer. I garuntee that you'll be surprised at how much you realize you just don't need it all. I know I was. 

- Clara B.

We knew it was coming...

But that doesn't make it any easier to swallow!

When my husband was interviewing for residencies, almost 3 years ago, he was very interested in things like "rural tracks" and continuity clinics in inner-city situations. Working in smaller towns and "medically-needy" situations is something he is very interested in (to his wife's displeasure). Our current residency program includes that very thing: a rural track, which is a month rotation spent in another town over an hour away from our home. Dr. N has been looking forward to his turn to be out in this small town working in the hospital and clinic there... so throughout the last 2 years we knew it was coming ... and yet it completely snuck up on me! It felt like suddenly I only had a couple weeks' notice that it was coming, and I didn't know how to emotionally prepare myself for the separation.

Since gas is so pricey right now ($3.75 and rising), and because of the length of the drive to this town and back, we decided that Dr. N would only drive home to stay overnight at home once each week. He has to be on mommy-call for some of his time as well, so for those days he can't drive home at all. But we were able to make a plan for the month in order to get a visit in with him every so often. We are now exactly one week into it and ... well, it has been a bit rough! My 2 kiddos and I REALLY miss Daddy being around. We also just came off of a vacation week, so we grew accustomed to him being around and then all of a sudden we had that bandaid ripped off! We didn't quite know how to react!

The kids act out more without their normal routine of seeing Daddy every day or two. 

I feel so overworked by the time their bedtime rolls around. 

"Mean-mommy" comes out of me WAY too often. 

I won't be able to attend tuesday night mutual activities (I am in the Young Women presidency in my church) unless I line up someone from the ward to sit at my house while I go - which is a lot harder to make happen than it sounds, since so many in our tiny ward have a tuesday calling! 

I feel lonely and somewhat forgotten by my friends who don't really understand what I'm going through. I even started bawling when one friend dropped by totally unannounced with an easter activity  for my kids! I so badly needed that reminder that I wasn't forgotten. 

We don't eat as well as when I'm cooking for a man ... we end up doing a lot more "kid friendly" food like quesadillas, grilled cheese, muffins, mac n cheese. Yuck. It's getting old and I'm only one week in! 

However, I have also noticed some "silver linings" to having Dr. N away: 

My house is much cleaner! And STAYS cleaner! I don't even understand why that is, because my man doesn't do any cleaning. I have the same amount of cleaning as I did before, but for some reason I get it done more often. It's a mystery! 

The amount of laundry I'm doing has been cut completely in half, which I am totally loving. Man clothes are so big and heavy... between business-attire, his white coats, ugly green scrubs that are never ending, and his gym clothes, it seems like his clothing alone creates more loads than mine and the kids' put together.

Our grocery bills have been cheaper so far! 

I have my nights all to myself and can watch whatever silly girl movies I want, or sit on the computer (like I am right now) for hours without feeling guilty. 

I know we will make it through this rotation, just like every other one we have encountered. Each new month is a new adventure, and each crappy rotation is a chance for me to learn a new level of independence and strength. As pain-staking as it may be. Someday I'll look back on this month and say "Remember when...??" 

-F. Nightingale

Find (A Professional) Someone To Talk To

I always seem to be traveling and on vacation when I'm meant to post.  I came back home on Wednesday night and promptly remembered on Thursday morning that I was a few days late in posting.  So I figured, what would a few extra days do?  Not too much harm.

This is my thought for the day:  Everyone should see someone at some point.  And by someone, I mean a psychologist (I spelled that correctly all on my own!).  I'm not sure why there was (or is?) a negative attitude towards seeing someone.  It has helped my life tremendously.  I initially started seeing a psychologist when I was in college.  When I moved to be closer to my boyfriend at the time (whom I later married) and then moved across the country for residency, I stopped.  After a year of residency life my husband suggested I start seeing someone again, an idea that I should have considered myself much earlier.

These are my reasonings.

• Everyone has issues.  Everyone has quirks.  Everyone's baselines are not the average baseline.  I knew what some of my quirks were, but I couldn't quite name them all and so they were sometimes hard to live with because they were uncategorized.  Just knowing what my tendencies were helped me to either accept them or to work on improving them.  (Don't forget that some quirks are not things that need to be fixed, but acknowledged and cared for).
• When you get married, you have someone else's quirks to live with.  In my case, my husband is a very different person than I am.  We process things and hold on to things differently.  He doesn't always understand or know how to help.  Talking to someone else (a professional, not just a girl friend) has helped me when my husband isn't sure what to do (though he tries everything he can think of and is so amazing and understanding when he can be and accepting when he can't comprehend my needs.  I love my husband).  
• Speaking of girl friend.  Sometimes the mother/sister/friend you talk to about most issues is actually part of the anxiety in your life and they are exactly the wrong people to talk to.  (I mention anxiety because that's what I struggle with.  Insert your own unique struggle instead).  
• When you are thrown into a new world (of medical school or residency or any medical life), life is hard.  I love that my psychologist is part of the faculty of the residency program my husband is in.  He knows very clearly the kind of life my husband leads and what kind of extra stress and anxiety that can pile on to me.
• It's customizable! To an extent.  Meaning, you can go once or twice to figure out a few things and then work on those, not needing to return for more guidance or help.  You can go weekly, which is where I am at the moment.  Eventually I'm assuming I'll be able to understand myself and prepare myself enough on my own that weekly visits wont be necessary.  Your psychologist may only feel like you need to come in monthly, or whenever you feel you need to figure something out.  You can go alone or with your spouse.
• I don't feel uncomfortable.  I can talk about anything.  If you don't feel comfortable, is it because it's personal things that you're not used to sharing with anyone else?  Or is it because the person in the chair across from you makes you uncomfortable?  If it's the second, look for someone else!  I think of psychologists like teachers.  They have different personalities and approaches to the same problems and yet unlike teachers, if you're not feeling the connection and don't feel like it's the right fit, you can switch.  Transfer out.  If you can't be completely honest with them it's going to be a lot harder for them to help you.
• It's easy to lose perspective.  I doubted myself a lot when I got married and we moved into the residency program.  I was the youngest spouse by a few years and one of the few without children.  Many other spouses/significant others had been together long enough to know a lot about medicine and what their resident was going through (many are actually also involved in the medical field somehow).  I also grew up in a large city and am now living in a small town close by where most residents and their spouses grew up or have family.  I didn't know where I fit in and how to be confident in who I was and what I did and didn't know or like.  I have so much more confidence and perspective now.

I think it's so helpful to be able to talk to someone about everything you're struggling with and for me, it has helped me to strengthen myself so that I don't struggle as much.  That is a great thing, I think, especially for a resident's spouse, and I'm also pretty sure that's the point of seeing a psychologist anyway.  To help you accept who you are and strengthen yourself to be able to live a happy, beautiful, productive life no matter what crazy, horrible, unexpected, unfortunate things are thrown your way.  So think about it.  I highly recommend it.  For anyone.  Everyone, really.  

My favorite thing that I've been learning is to know and trust in myself.  (It was hard when I realized I didn't trust myself.  Slightly terrifying, actually.  It's a new work in progress).  My wants, my dislikes, my capabilities, my knowledge, my self worth, my intellect, my strength, my fears, my dreams, and knowing how to act on those and not on anything that anyone else is saying.  Being true to myself and making sure that I am happy and I am nourished in the ways I need to be (getting in all my creative things, taking time for myself, saying no when people ask things of me) makes me so much more able to take on the hard things that I have no control over (hint back to a month of night float).  

Trust in yourself.  Nourish yourself.  Make sure your decisions are in your best emotional/physical/spiritual/intellectual interest.  That will make life better for everyone around you.

It makes life a lot better for my husband.

And I love my husband.

-Rachel C.

Love and Marriage

Marriage is hard. Period. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live, what occupations you and/or your spouse are in, it's just hard. It may be that difficulties arise often or only on occasion, but every marriage takes work. As with the rest of our lives, medical school/residency/fellowship/being a doctor complicates things. Marriage takes time and effort. That time can be extra hard to come by and (at least in my case) the effort needing extra devotion when in the medical world. 

I have found it all to easy to put nurturing our marital relationship on the back burner. Between crazy work hours, family time, personal time, friends, church callings, and the many other activities that occupy our lives it sometimes seems selfish of me to require time for just me and my man. I find myself feeling guilty that I want to just sit and talk for a long while when I know my husband is exhausted from a long days work. It's easier for both of us to exchange a few words (usually about the schedule for the upcoming days and weeks) and then turn to our various ways of winding down for the night (i.e. shower, Facebook, TV shows, book reading. AKA "me time). Yet, every time I find ourselves in this ritual of marital funk I notice that the other aspects of our lives suffer. Dr. Barton is more stressed at work (is that even possible in residency? Yes. Yes it is), my patience with my girls is minimal, I have less motivation to stay on top of household chores, my kids become more whiny and all-around difficult, basically our lives start to become a mess. Unsurprisingly, when we devote more time to our marriage everything else starts to fall back into place. 

So how do you find that balance and make time for your marriage when your spouse is averaging 80+ hour work weeks? Here are a few ideas that I have found make a difference. 

Try to find some unusual way to serve your spouse each day. Order a pizza to be delivered to the hospital when he's working a late shift, leave him a note in his car, slip a special treat into his white coat pocket. It doesn't have to be big, but it does have to be something out of the ordinary. 

Make time to sit down and talk about things other than schedules, work, and kids. When Dr. Barton and I were dating we would talk on the phone for 3-4 hours every night. Now I honestly don't know how we found that much to talk about. It's certainly a lot easier when you are still learning so much about each other. The thing is, that while I know my husband really well there are still things I don't know! You can always find a childhood story you haven't heard, a pet peeve that you somehow didn't yet know about, a new fear that has developed, or a dream that has evolved. Humans are not stagnant beings; relationships are not static entities. There will always be something new to discover, although it may take some digging. 

(note: after almost five years of marriage I learned today that I had no idea what my husband's favorite ice cream flavor was. How does that even happen?! I guess it's because he's a sweet heart and always buys my favorite instead. Like I said, there always something new to discover.) 

Take time to be just "Us." I don't mean the time you spend snuggling in bed after the kids are asleep. While that is fantastic and definitely needed, I'm talking about time away from everything else. This could happen in the form of a date night, a weekend get away, or a "Mom and Dad" only vacation. Dr. Barton and I have been fortunate this year and last year to do the latter. Even though our time away last year was slightly dampened by illness (both with the kids at home and with is in vacation) and a few urgent care visits, we were STILL able to reconnect as husband and wife. Dr. Barton and I plan on making such trips a yearly occurrence. They won't always be extravagant or long, but we have decided that it is pivotal to the health of our relationship to take that time away from everything else and focus on "us."

Lastly, go to the temple together. This is something that Dr. Barton and I have failed at miserably since starting residency. With the nearest temple being 45 minutes away (I know, it could be SO much worse), we have found it difficult to make the time. Having to hire/find a babysitter for 4 hours certainly doesn't help. The bottom line is that we just haven't made it a high enough priority and that the afore mentioned are really just lame excuses. When you MAKE time to go to the temple together you WILL see the blessings in your marriage, home, and everyday lives. 

- Clara B. 

Find Your Beat and March to It

It's been a while since I've darkened the doorway here at Hippocrates Housewives, and what I'm about to say isn't revelatory or heavy in any way. In fact, I would wager that you've all heard or read it before. But it's sort of where we are with life, and that has to count for something, right?

Anyway...

My husband’s match day is in a couple of weeks. Friends of ours had theirs last month. Basically, the transition into residency is all we talk/think about these days. I’m not entirely sure what to expect, but if the posts by the other ladies on this blog are any indication, it isn’t for the faint of heart. To be honest, I’m getting a little nervous. I feel like we’ve just completed a marathon only to turn around and run back. Medical school is tough. And for those of us married to students, learning to juggle crazy schedules and absent spouses has turned into a work of art. We’ve finally found our balance and in a few short months, we’ll have lost our footing all over again.

My searches on the topic have been fruitful. There is a ton of info out there on surviving residency. And it’s all about the same. Seriously. Find time for yourself, focus on the future, stay positive, find what works for you, etc. All sound advice. I get the feeling, though, that it’s easier said than done and even then, a bit different for everyone. That’s probably where the “find what works for you” bit comes in. And it totally applies to medical school, too.

We made family dinner a priority and regardless of whether or not my husband had a test, we ate together and spent at least an hour afterwards just hanging out. Saturday mornings were our “lazy time”. No school, no studying. A friend mentioned her husband didn’t study on Sundays. That was their time to focus on family and got them through the late nights and early mornings throughout the week. We did what worked for us, they did what worked for them. It’s all about figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t. Family life doesn't have to suffer because of medical school, and grades don't need to take a hit to make room for more family time. It's possible to have both. You just have to find your own way of getting there.

I’ve mentioned before that my husband is about to graduate from medical school. There have been times when it’s seemed like the longest road in history. But now looking back, I can safely say it’s flown by. I’m wondering where the time went. And I know the feeling is different when you’re just starting out, or even half way through. I’ve been there. I’ve felt it. But for those of you who are wondering when you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel, do something really cliche and stop and smell the roses. Enjoy the journey. Find your balance in this crazy life, and run with it. It’ll make a huge difference.

And on those days when you're super depressed, just go ahead and eat cake for breakfast. You are, after all, an adult. Act like one.

-m. quinn