Nights Are Hard

Some of you may read this and think I've got it rough.  Others may say "ppfft, that's nothing" and a few of you may be right with me.  And you'll all be right.

Nights are hard.

My husband is halfway through a month of Medicine night shifts, meaning 2 weeks in, 2 weeks left.  When he's gone at night I put off sleeping as long as I can because I don't like facing a half empty bed.  He keeps his sleeping schedule on the weekends, even though he's not working.  So he still doesn't go to bed with me, though at least then I know he's close and he'll join me in the morning (since I'm sleeping in late because I stay up to have more time with him).  

I hate not seeing him.  We're super lucky when we have more than an hour a day to be together, and that time is usually spent cooking and eating or preparing one of us to rush out the door.  I've started writing a physical list of things I want to talk to him about, things I want to show him, questions to ask, schedule changes or appointments to remind him about.  So the hour of time together turns into a quick de-briefing on my upcoming hours/days and the attempt at getting all the other information to/from him.  79 hour work weeks (in 5 days) and trying to get enough sleep to be on point the next night does not give much time for wife.

In a previous article, I wrote about how blessed I was to be able to go visit my husband in the hospital since my schedule is quite flexible (with nothing mandatory starting earlier than 11 each day) and the helpful fact that I have no children at home to stay home for.  However timing definitely hasn't been on our side lately and every time I become available, he seems to be bombarded with admits or other work.  When I have made it out to him, twice it's been after midnight, and because I stayed up hoping I could see him, it messed with my sleep, and quite often he has to either leave during it for an unknown period of time or he is busy working on charts and paperwork, so it turns into me staying just to be in the same room as him (until he gets pulled away).

I know my husband is a doctor.  I know this is his job.  I know residency is crazier than afterwards.  I know that he is helping people when he's not with me.  I know.  And I know that it's hard for me.  

He's been on nights before, but I realized that last time he started nights when I started taking 3 classes at school.  We were living in another resident's basement looking for a new rental.   We ended up finding one through family and friends.  So the next few weeks were focused on school and unpacking our house.  I think everything was just hard at that point, but I also had the company of our resident friends and their children.  Now it's just nights and I'm realizing that without a house to unpack or 3 classes worth of homework to get done and no one else in the same house as me, I miss my husband.  Because I love him and he's my family.  

Nights are hard.  

Habits/schedules are messed up.  Scripture reading and family prayer are thrown out of whack.  Important conversations are put on hold or have to be interrupted.  Fuses are shorter because we're both more tired.  And I miss snuggling with him.

And it'll be over in 2 weeks!!!!!  I can make it.  It just wont be the best two weeks of my life.  And I can live with that.

Rachel C.