You Are Not Alone!

In medical school, residency, and some practices we don't have the luxury of our husbands holding a nine to five job. We can't count on Saturday being a family-fun-day. We can't promise our children that Daddy will be there Christmas morning to open presents, or to watch them blow out their birthday candles, or cheer them on at their first dance recital. We can't plan on everyone sitting at the dinner table talking about what happened that day. We can't count on having some pillow talk and cuddle time. Our husbands are tied down to books (studying for the umpteenth hour), at the beck and call of a superior, saving lives. It can be lonely, but I'm here to tell you that

I know what it's like to spend only an hour  all day with your husband as he shovels dinner into his mouth before leaving to study... again. I know what it's like to lay on your couch longing to have someone to cuddle up to while watching a movie. I know what it's like to sit in a silent apartment flipping through channels until he walks through that door, utterly exhausted, at 2 A.M. I know the jealousy of staying at home alone while your friends post pictures of date nights on Facebook and Instragram. I know what it's like to be newly married, in a new state, with no car, no internet, no television, and no friends. I know how abandoned and isolated you can feel.

I know how hard it is waking up with a new born baby every single night by yourself because you know that your husband has to get up for rounds at 4 AM. I know how hard it is to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with little people who can't carry a conversation and an empty seat at the head of the table. I know how hard it is to carry out bath time, teeth brushing, book reading, song singing, and tucking in without a second pair of helping hands for the fourteenth night in a row. I know how hard it is to tell your child yet again that, "maybe you'll be able to see Daddy tomorrow," since he goes to work before they wake and comes home long after they have gone to bed. I know how hard it is to hear a small voice tell you that Daddy isn't coming home tonight because he has to work at the hospital.

I know how discouraging it is when you are home with a sick family and your husband is nowhere to be seen because he is helping other sick families. I know how discouraging it is to receive a text informing you that it'll be "just two more hours"... three hours after he was supposed to be home. I know how discouraging it is trying to keep little ones quite as they play while Daddy tries to sleep since he worked all night. I know how discouraging it is not being able to make plans for the holidays since you don't have any idea what your husbands schedule will be until the beginning of the month. I know how discouraging it is when your husband finally comes home and all he wants to do (and needs to do) is rest and stay in - while you cry inside because you've been stuck at home with the kids all week and had your heart set on that family outing that keeps getting put off.

I know what it's like to have a newborn one week old baby violently shooting spit-up out their nose as your sixteen month old poops on the floor and smears it in the carpet as they walk around while your husband is using his few hours of social interaction at the ward barbecue. I know what it's like calling your husband in tears asking him if he can come home yet. I know what it's like finding out that he can't come help you because nobody remembered to bring plates, cups, or enough hamburger buns and he has been asked to fix their problem before he can help you with yours. I know what it's like bathing your toddler, cleaning your carpet, and bleaching your bath tub while your newborn continues to scream and spit-up no matter what you do to console them.

I know how frustrating it is to watch multiple YouTube videos because your husband hasn't been able to mow the lawn in a while and you want to do it for him but have no idea how to actually start a lawn mower. I know how frustrating it is when even after all the "how tos" you still can't figure it out and have to ask a neighbor. I know how frustrating it is when your doorknob to the garage breaks and nothing you do will unlock it. I know how frustrating it is having masking tape over the doorknob hole for a few days while your husband doesn't have the time to fix the problem. I know how frustrating it is pulling the doorknob apart trying to figure out yourself (since it's been days and your husband still hasn't had the time) what on earth is wrong, trying to piece it back together once all the little pieces are taken out, and only then discovering that a piece is actually snapped off. I know how frustrating it is walking into the hardware store knowing what you're looking for (even if you don't have the exact name for it) and having people look at you funny because you're a woman, with two littles and no man in sight, in a hardware store. I know how frustrating it is to try to figure out all these new pieces and get your door working again.

I know what it's like to feel like a single mom - to have the nurturing, educating, cooking, cleaning, lawn mowing, religious teaching, bandaging, butt wiping, tear stopping, disciplining, grocery shopping, bill paying, house fixing, and emergency handling left to you alone. I know what it's like to wrestle children into clothing, assemble a diaper bag, wrangle everyone into the car, and lug across the church parking lot with bag, baby, and toddler in tow. I know what it's like to sit in the pews trying to keep children quite as you are outnumbered and feeling completely helpless. I know what it's like to have eyes starring, some in annoyance and some in pity, as you drag diaper bag, baby, and toddler out of the chapel because baby is crying and toddler has to go potty for the second time in an hour. I know what it's like to finally have your husband home from school or work only to find out that they have to go home teaching, or to a priesthood meeting, or help yet another family move. I know what it's like to be angry that everyone else seems to get your husband's time while you are silently drowning. I know what it's like to feel guilty for being so selfish when all your husband wants to do is serve. I know what it's like to feel like everyone expects perfection from you because, after all, you are the doctors wife.

I also know that you have probably come to know these things yourself, or if you haven't yet, you soon will. My dear friend, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I know how hard, frustrating, and taxing all this can be and my heart goes out to you. But most importantly your Savior knows how hard this is for you. He understands your frustration. He feels your burdens. He gets it, and He is there for you. He is sending you tender mercies daily; while they may not be obvious, I promise you that they are there. Look for them. He will not leave you alone. 

We know that our husbands are working ridiculously hard and that they love us very much, but this doesn't make our trials any less difficult or painful. Their broken back doesn't make our broken arm hurt any less. This is tough, and it's okay to cry sometimes.

Hang in there!
- Clara B.