Childless Living: A(n Un)Persuasive Essay, by Rachel C. - Grade 19

A few weeks ago I was snuggling with my husband on the staff room couch, watching television and snacking on some treats I had brought for him for his night shift.  It was late, 10, 11ish.  Another resident came in and was instantly extremely jealous of our PDA.  He mentioned how he'd love to have his wife come visit him, but they'd have to get a babysitter to watch their three kids.  I felt a little guilty and sad (though I didn't stop snuggling with my husband).  I decided later that night that it would be smart for residents to live in some sort of communal housing.  It would help us all get to know each other better and become close with the other spouses and residents outside of work and official residency planned activities.  It would also provide the opportunity that the other resident (and his wife) doesn't have right now: a little bit of free time.  Communal housing makes for easy access to live-in babysitters to rotate through.  I know it won't happen, or at least not in a time frame where it will apply to me, but it added to some of my recent thoughts; mainly, the pro and con (just one of each!) of being a childless resident couple.

I like starting with bad news first so I can finish strong with the good.  Therefore, I present to you the con of being childless...

It's really one point.  At the beginning of our first year, one of the 3rd year spouses told us what I thought was great advice - "Plan your days like your spouse can't be there, then when they can't make it, it's not a disappointment.  Or if they end up coming, it's a great day".  I liked that idea a lot.  For me, it mostly applied in terms of when he was coming home, and to never expect him at a certain time.  It definitely helped in those first few months.  But there wasn't much else I could apply it to, and here's why.  We are a family of 2.  When you take away one of us, it leaves one.  That's not a family.  That's a lone person.  When I'm planning a nice family meal, if he can't make it, it's a lonely meal.  Trying to set up family home evening (a weekly family gathering where we have a spiritual lesson, activity, singing and usually treats to end it all), if he's not there, it's personal scripture/Bible study and sudoku on my phone for the activity.  When he's not there, it's no longer a family activity.  It becomes me on my own, doing things (and being ok doing them alone), but it's not family night, and it's not family dinner.  Not having kids means I'm alone if he's not there.  With kids, I could still hold family home evening, have the activity and games, sing with other people, not say all the prayers myself.  There'd be kids to talk to at dinner, days to hear about, people to bond with, helping hands for preparing and cleaning up.  But my husband is my entire family.  I depend on him and without him I am alone.  I think the hardest time I have being a family of 1 is at church.  The congregation I attend is lovely and I know people and I sit near people and I talk with people.  But my husband and I are very guilty of cozying up in church and to sit on those benches in Sacrament meeting (our hour long weekly worship service) and in Sunday School is very lonely without a family to cozy up to.  

But let's move on to happier things, shall we?

Once again it's mainly one point...flexibility.  Though I do have classes and homework and practicing and teaching to do, the only schedules I have to align are mine and my husband's.  No soccer or band or play dates or nap times to work around.  As mentioned earlier, my husband was on nights, I had my night free, I brought him snacks and stuck around for an hour or two.  I knit a scarf when keeping him company on an OB night shift.  We can meet up for lunch with 5 minutes notice because I don't need 20 minutes to wrangle the kids into shoes and jackets and the car.  The only melt downs I have to deal with are my own, and they're getting shorter ;)  I can sit for an hour as I wait for him to have 3 minutes to grab 5 bites with me when he's in the ER and I don't have to try to entertain children in the common waiting room and then explain to them why daddy can't stay longer.  When he's running late, I can hold dinner off.  I can plan to eat at 6 with him one night and 9 the next because that's his schedule.  I don't have kids that need to have dinner so they can go to sleep, or that need a full meal instead of cheese and crackers.  I can stay up late to wait for him when he gets off at midnight for a week and I don't have to be up at 6 or 7 getting kids ready for school.  I can make my schedule work around his.

Please don't think I dislike children.  We are so excited at the prospect of being parents someday, whether during residency, a possible fellowship, or beyond, that's not altogether in our hands.  I am just recognizing the blessings of time and opportunity that we have because we don't have children at this stage in our lives and we are taking advantage of those blessings while we can.  That's really where the focus is, taking advantage of every opportunity to be together, to grow, to share, to bond with each other.  We'll do it when we have children as well, but I believe (based on what parents have told me) that it's easier now.  So whether you're alone or have 5 kids to love and adore, take advantage of the time when the doctor's in the house or has a spare moment.  As President Uchtdorf said - "In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e"

I love my husband mostest...

...when we're snuggling the closest

-Rachel C.