Awkward Situation

I feel like this is a story where there is a lesson to be learned, but I haven't quite figured it out yet.  We were in a baby class.  It happened to be the midwives class, but it's not really relevant.  (I actually really enjoyed our first class other than this one thing, but you'll see, it wasn't the class that bugged me).  We were all asked to state our fears about labor and delivery, and support people were asked to state theirs as well.  There were the normal things about pain, endurance, fear of unknown emergencies.  Then there was one husband whose fear was the competence of the staff at the hospital.  He was nervous that he couldn't trust the physicians and nurses to be the best and do the best for his wife and child.  He continued by saying he had heard bad things about the hospital, about people going in for routine surgeries and not making it.  That then provoked 3 other class members to agree and share that they had heard the same thing about the hospital and its workers.  It was then agreed on, however, that the exception to this was the labor and delivery floor, the recovery area, the pediatric staff and the NICU staff.  Those nurses and doctors were very kind and helpful.  Now that I think about it, I don't remember any mention of them being competent, but it's possible they mentioned it.

No one knew my husband was a resident.  We both know want to keep that fact under wraps.  I have 2 reasons.  One, it made me extremely uncomfortable hearing the colleagues of my husband (and my husband as well) doubted and bashed just a little bit.  I had never heard any of this before and I feel like if our hospital wasn't good, 1) my husband wouldn't have wanted to come here and 2) it would have been a topic of conversation with both the residents and their significant others (since the residents are here trying to learn and if they feel like either other residents or attendings aren't doing things properly, it's going to be brought up).  But I am not one to confront people in almost any situation (especially when I haven't prepared myself for it), so I was not ready to challenge 4 people whose opinions were probably fairly rooted and unlikely to change (especially from a residents wife - I'm biased in their eyes).  Two, it may make other people uncomfortable once they find out the opinions they hold are negative towards my husband.  I don't want to make the whole class awkward because I want to continue learning how to best prepare myself for labor and delivery and that is unrelated to what the classes opinions are.

We will not be going on the tour of the labor and delivery floor at the next class.  We don't want to be recognized and labeled as what we are (does that sound horrible?) and I already had the tour with the hospital's class, so I don't think I'll be missing anything.  (Plus my husband has been on OB this last month anyway, so I've been up there visiting him and talking to all the nurses and getting the lay of the land.  I'm feeling pretty confident and comfortable).

Lessons to be learned?

 - When speaking to a group of people that you don't know, at least consider the possibility that what you are about to say could be insulting to them.

 - Take all horror stories (or fabulous stories at that) that you hear from friends or friends of friends with a grain of salt.  I've heard the same experience told by the patient and the doctor and they were very different stories, so whether from ignorance, shame, pride, or other reasons, stories can be altered.

I'm still not sure if we should have said something or not.  I'm scared it's going to be a little harder for me to be completely open in the class and I'm going to be constantly censuring my thoughts and comments.  For me, realizing that not everyone is going to appreciate my husband the way I do and knowing that yes, mistakes are made sometimes because everyone working at the hospital is human, is helpful.  I also have confidence, though, that the hospital does not keep inept employees.  And that's what I think about when I start getting irritated at people's unfounded comments.  

I'm not sure if this post is helpful in any way.  It was more an interesting situation that I was placed in.  And it's quite possible that you may come into a situation like this (whether your spouse or significant other is a doctor/resident/med student or not).  If you know of a better way to approach it, let me know.  For now, I'll keep my thoughts to myself and just focus on the class.

-Rachel C.