Remember Who You Are

There were many times growing up that as I ran out the door to meet friends or headed into school from the car that my parents would imploring yell, "remember who you are and what you stand for!" Most of the time their reminder would cause my teenage eyes to roll so hard I almost saw the back of my skull, but their words stuck with me anyway. As most teenagers do, I did lose myself for a time and disregarded the standards I once held (and mostly pretended to still hold). Those were some of the most miserable and difficult times of my life. It's hard not knowing who you really are. It's disappointing not living to the standard you once held yourself to. And honestly, it's not much easier now than it was in my high school days.

It's easy to lose your personal identity once you're married, have kids, and are sucked into the world of medicine. You suddenly become wife, mommy, and the doctor's spouse. So much of your time is involved with making everyone else's life function that you start to disappear. I know, I've been there. I've been in the conversation where someone asks you what you do and all you can answer is what your husband and kids do. You're asked about what your free time looks like and you stare blankly either because you don't remember what the words "free time" mean or because you're too embarrassed to answer, "watch The Biggest Loser while stuffing my face with junk food." So, for the intent of this post I'm going to change my parents' saying to "remember who you are and what you strive for." 

You are important. Yes, you are important in your role as wife, mother, supporter, friend, and all other roles that you play; but I mean you, just you, is important. When you lose yourself in everything else that you are, it's easy to fall into the pits of loneliness, depression, boredom, self-doubt, self-deprication, and a myriad of other destructive places. I know, I've been there too. I have found it crucial to the existence of "just me" to sit down every few months or so and evaluate my life, to figure out what it is I am doing, where I want to go, who I am, and who I want to be. 

Do things for yourself. I know this is something I hear all the time as a mother. I can't count the number of times I've heard, "you can't help others until you help yourself." I've been told that I should take the time to eat my favorite treat all by myself, without having to share with little mouths. I've heard that I should take the time to get a massage or manicure. Those small moments can be an absolute God send, but I bet you can do even more. You deserve more than just a few fleeting moments. Do you have a dream to finish school? Take classes. Remember that book everyone was raving about that you just never had time for? Read it. Have you always wanted to learn how to take amazing pictures? Find a friend who can teach you how. Don't completely lose your dreams and stunt your personal growth by forgetting how important you are. 

I've found that what works best for me is to set a monthly goal. If by the end of that month I've accomplished that goal to my satisfaction then I'll make a new goal for the next month; if I feel like it still needs time and attention I'll give it another month and then reevaluate again. For example: I have always wanted to learn how to make amazing pies. Yes, it's the total 50's housewife stereotype, but I wanted to do it none-the-less. I found a friend of mine who is a total Betty Crocker and asked her if she would show me how. She was thrilled with the idea and we made an afternoon of baking, having fun, and getting to know each other a little better. I'm not quite ready to bake an amazing pie for Thanksgiving dinner, but I've learned enough that I can work on my skills at home by myself. While this wasn't something huge like finishing medical school, it was fulfilling and important to me. In a career where my husband is constantly learning and growing it's easy for me to feel left behind. I need to find ways to push myself so that I can grow with him, even if I'm constructing baked goods while he reconstructs a human body. 

Find a system that works for you. Maybe a new goal a month is that extra scoop that you just can't finish on your plate. That's okay. Just make sure you find a way to take care of yourself. I beg of you: remember who YOU are and what you STRIVE for! 

- Clara B.