Changing Traditions

Thanksgiving is nigh upon us and as usual with holidays, many traditions come to mind.  And then they quickly leave.  Well, some of them, at least.  My husband and I spent all sorts of time talking about our family traditions growing up, which ones we really cared about, which ones we had different ideas about.  Some were new, but favorites (like going to an amazing French restaurant for Christmas Eve), others had been around forever (like having to wait until a certain time on Christmas morning before we could go downstairs and only open our stockings, and then wait even longer before we could wake everyone else up to come open presents).  Some weren't really traditions, but just how we always did them (like my family never traveled for Thanksgiving and we always had people over who had no family to celebrate with or who couldn't travel home.)

In residency, however, it sometimes didn't matter what our traditions were because we were restricted by the rotation and schedule of that week.  Our new Thanksgiving tradition is to go to Thanksgiving dinner with friends on Thursday, and then have a family meal (whether turkey or not) on the following Saturday when my husband has always had time off to travel or have guests.  

Last year, husband worked Christmas Eve and Christmas Night, so we had Christmas in the morning.  This year, we are traveling for Christmas (something I've never done), since we have almost 2 weeks we're heading to both parents on opposite sides of the country.  Never something I had planned on doing, but that's when we had time off and so that's when we'll travel.  

There's a level of flexibility that we've achieved and we were fortunate enough to have married as residency began so we didn't have any set traditions with the two of us.  That doesn't mean I don't have ideas of how I want certain holidays to go, but I've learned very quickly that it's easier to be flexible and dream of traditions for future days when there's slightly more control (and when my husband's practice can be closed and we can have a 99% chance of an uninterrupted family gathering).  

I think traditions are very important in a family.  They are something to look forward to, they unite the family in repeating activities and events that we all enjoy, and they bring a calm that happens when you know exactly what your plans will be - no surprises.  But I've realized that even more important than traditions is making sure that everything that is important in your life is shared with each other, whether on the day that everyone else celebrates it or not.  So yes, we'll celebrate Thanksgiving with family on Saturday and without turkey.  But we'll be with family.  And we'll celebrate Christmas twice this year, once on December 25th with my husband's family, and once again the following week with my family.  We'll change our Christmas Eve lunch to New Years Eve and it will be just as delicious and so much fun because our family will be together.  

Don't feel too sad about a tradition that has to change.  It might take a few years before you can start it up again.  Instead, focus on your family and the time you get to spend with them (even if it's limited, cherish it).  Be grateful for every moment.  

I love my husband...

...when we're stuffing our faces full of good food, together.

-Rachel C.